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Let’s Be Honest

May 9, 2009

Good Saturday morning everyone!  There is a lot going on in this post!

BSI Challenge ends today! 
Your chances of winning are VERY good since I’ve only had one entry so far lol! :)
Maybe cherries was too difficult of an ingredient to choose?

Yesterday was yet another busy day at work.  My poor class, even on a Friday afternoon we’ve had to work riiiight until the last minute before the bell rings.  They’ve been troopers trying to get ready for our testing next week.  I can’t wait until next Friday afternoon when it is all over.  I swear they are going to get constant P.E lessons for the following week haha! I’ll get to wear my track suits to work every day.

Last night we went to Steve’s Dad’s to try to book up some cottages for this summer.  A bunch of us will be going up to Tobermory (where we got engaged!) after the wedding and we need a few cottages… they are beautiful up there and I can’t wait to spend some time up north after we get married.  We are not going on our honeymoon right away.  We will either wait until October (when I have a week off work) or Christmas.  We’re still trying to iron out the details!

We woke up a bit later this morning after being out late last night.  We did some cleaning & yard work and before we knew it it was time for lunch!  I made a wrap with veggies, hummus and avocado.

lunch 001 lunch 002

It was so yummy!  On the side I had a fruit salad with grapes, strawberries, a satsuma and kiwi (yes, sometimes I eat the skin on kiwi when I am too lazy to cut it off!- today I felt ambitious though :)
lunch 003 lunch 004
I topped the fruit salad with some soy yogurt and then topped the yogurt with some cinnamon and a dollop of natural peanut butter.

Lunch!

lunch 005

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I am so thankful that it is the weekend.  I have to be honest here and say that it wasn’t a very fabulous week.  I’m not going to try to pretend everything was sunshine and rainbows because I definitely had my days of stress and sadness this week.  I try not to dwell on things but i’m trying to show that I am a real person who deals with things just like anyone else, you know?

We had some great conversation yesterday regarding calorie counting and taking breaks from exercise.

Lara asked me yesterday: Did you ever count while losing the weight?

In one word: yes.

I did count calories for many years and I was obsessive over it for a long period of time.
Back in 2007 though, when I started losing weight “the healthy way”  I did count calories for a little while until I figured out what worked for me.  I joined Spark People  and used this for a while to enter in the values.  I own a food scale and from time to time I will use it so that I can measure out portion sizes.  Before Christmas last year, I did find that weighing my food became obsessive yet again and I had to stop.  I mean, I was measuring the cucumber and tomato that went on my salad! I had to say enough is enough and so far in 2009 I have not counted calories at all for dieting purposes.  I have toyed with the idea (to get wedding – ready) but I really don’t think it’s a good road for me to jump on given my history. 

In a nutshell I do think it’s a good idea to count calories if you are trying to lose weight until you figure out what portion sizes look like.  Once you find out what works for you then my advice is to stop and really try listening to your body.  If you have a history of having an unhealthy relationship with food/dieting and the like then my advice is to stay away from counting calories.  Listening to our hunger cues can be so difficult sometimes, can’t it? But eventually I think it does get easier and easier.  Eat healthy foods… hey I won’t lie, eating low calorie foods allows you to eat meals with more volume!  Eat a variety of foods: this is something I’ve been trying to do lately.

I suppose I sort of went off on one there, but I hope I answered the question!

This is where I get even more honest.

As I said a few paragraphs up this week hasn’t been easy.  I’ve spoken to Ange about it already through email and she’s shown me (yet again) that I can rely on her friendship to help me through it.

Stress often leads people to overeat and shall I dare say the word: binge.

It happens to me too.

I have been having a lot of unwanted stress at work and it has made me turn to food in a negative way.  I’m sure many readers out there have dealt with turning to their own comfort foods one time or another.  I have found that after work this week I have came home and have just felt anxious and vulnerable to the food in my house.  I have just wanted to release the stress by eating & trying to make myself feel better.

Well, really – it has made me feel worse.

I need to find ways to channel my stress in different directions.  Exercise is one of them. I am 110% committing myself to making sure that I do some form of exercise after work  so that it will help me unwind from the day.  It’s funny, you know.. that I feel the overeating monster within me during the week.  Yet today, Saturday, I feel nothing of the sort.  I feel relaxed and calm and i’m not even thinking about the food in my kitchen or at the shop around the corner.

I think there’s a connection here?

Often times the feelings that are connected to this are what worry me most.  I think when people think of the word “overeat” or “binge” they picture someone in their mind shoveling food in their mouth at rapid speeds or sitting down to a table full of prepared food.  Sure, it happens this way with a lot of people.  For me, however, it’s the anxiety within myself and the reason/feelings behind the act of eating.  My heart beats fast, my palms sweat a bit, I feel nervous.  So I prepare a piece of toast with peanut butter & banana and I eat it.  I’m not hungry, but I eat it anyway.

I hope this post doesn’t make me sound like I’ve gone off the deep end.  What I do hope is that it shows you that you are not alone.  It happens to me too.

For those of you who this has never happened to before. You are lucky! You are part of a portion of the population who doesn’t have issues with food, body image and the like.  I think that’s great!!! 

I am thankful that this doesn’t happen a lot to me.  As i’ve said before I had a period in my life where I dealt with restricting, overeating, over exercising etc and I would never ever want to go back to that time.  I consider myself lucky in my life right now because I do have a handle on things… but once in a while, as i’ve seen this past week past struggles can creep up into your life when you least expect it.

I really hope that any readers will open up, if you want… I know I definitely feel vulnerable posting this as I know my family & friends read this blog.. but there you have it.

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I hope you are enjoying your Saturday!  I’m about to go work out!

It’s pizza night in our house tonight… and maybe a little Britain’s Got Talent!!

Check out this video from one of the group dancing auditions!
Their audition starts around minute 2:20 if you want to fast forward!

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21 Comments leave one →
  1. May 9, 2009 1:10 pm

    Oh man…I don’t want to win by default. That would be so…so…cheap.

    Great post btw. I totally understand what you mean. Being (physically) healthy is two-fold, one part exercise and one part food. Both parts are a struggle.

    I don’t think you’ve gone off into the deep end. We’ve all had our moments. Thanks for sharing your’s.

  2. May 9, 2009 1:39 pm

    Your class will do awesome on their exams!! Good luck ironing out the cottage details :)

    Saturday night TV for me – Graham Norton ;) You bet I watch the BBC! I love that show!

  3. May 9, 2009 1:48 pm

    Thanks for sharing. I am one of the binge eaters that have eaten hideous amounts of food and I can tell you, the food isn’t what makes the binge, it is the behavior. Many people don’t understand that these issues with food aren’t really about the food at all they are about what the food represents. That out of control feeling is so hard to over come but it is possible. Good for you for reaching out.

  4. May 9, 2009 2:12 pm

    Just found your blog and already love it.
    That fruit salad looks so good- I wish I could come through the computer and eat it.

  5. May 9, 2009 2:16 pm

    Well done for putting it out there! I can’t imagine anyone thinking you’ve gone off the deep end – feeling like a loser when you have these periods doesn’t help. I wanted to ask about the little bridal melt-down you had when you had tried on your wedding dress – you were going to go back that week with your sister (I think) and try it again. How did it go? You still happy?

  6. May 9, 2009 2:21 pm

    Hey, me too this week. It is so strange how those old behaviors can creep back in and how hard it can be to fight them off.

  7. May 9, 2009 2:24 pm

    Thanks for sharing you story Leah. Although it’s a different situation, I do understand how you feel. I struggled with anorexia for 4 years and remember how difficult some days were. Luckily, I have gotten COMPLETELY beyond those feelings, but I definitely know about the stress and anxiety that goes along with any eating disorder. It seems like people often times have an incorrect perception of what these eating disorders are about, and that can make things even harder for you. Try to relax this weekend and enjoy some time off!

  8. May 9, 2009 2:46 pm

    What a great post, Leah! I’m sorry about your stressful week :( Thank you for sharing your experience about your relationship with food. It is nice to know that we are not alone in this journey and that we can learn from others and rely on their support.

    Hope you get to relax this weekend :)

  9. May 9, 2009 2:53 pm

    Great post, I can relate to everything you wrote. I find when I’m anxious or stress I’ll eat more without even being hungry – I don’t think it’s abnormal or even binging, but not a good way to comfort myself. Thanks for sharing.

  10. May 9, 2009 3:10 pm

    I tend to eat more when I’m stressed too. I won’t even be hungry at all. It’s nice to know that others have issues with this too, so thanks for sharing.

    Good luck with the cottages. I love the Tobermory area. It’s so gorgeous!

  11. modhealth permalink
    May 9, 2009 3:24 pm

    Thank you for your post! I’ve had history very similar to yours and I think a lot of females share the same anxiety and feelings related to food.

  12. May 9, 2009 3:49 pm

    I have had a stressful week too. Started a new job and feel out of my depth. Just felt like a bag of nerves all week and it has made me want to overeat a lot. I have eaten a little more than normal, but I have really tried to keep a lid on it because I know it makes me feel worse in the end. exercise is key for stress release for me too so I have been trying to squeeze it in when I can for extra boost! keep smiling

  13. May 9, 2009 4:33 pm

    Hi Leah, thank you so much for answering my question, and I’m sorry you’ve had a hard week. You know that I can compltely empathize with you on this, but I love your attitude about it. It seems like you know exactly what to do to make yourself feel better, and I know you will handle this well. I am struggling to be as graceful as you are about it, but I am working though it. I think this 10k has caused me a lot of anxiety and I have been a lot unnecessarily this week, too. Hopefully when it’s over I can return to my normal healthy habits!
    Enjoy the rest of the weekend!!

  14. Sarah permalink
    May 9, 2009 5:50 pm

    Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs! I think we’ve all been there in one form or another and its nice to see that you’ve reached a healthy point and have found good solutions to the problem. You rock! Have a great weekend, Leah!

  15. May 9, 2009 7:34 pm

    Thanks for posting this! Right now I’m trying to stop counting calories and it’s so hard. I already lost all the weight I wanted to but I’m afraid if I stop counting I’ll gain it back. I’m glad to hear you’ve overcome it!

  16. May 9, 2009 7:36 pm

    leah! loved this post, it really hit home for me. i think i have the same issue you do, sometimes i will come home, eat a clean meal and be absolutely full.. but then if i am stressed or anxious i sometimes manage to slowly devour a whole box of cereal or maybe nine pieces of toast with peanut butter over the course of a night. i just graze on comfort carbs because i don’t know what else to do with myself. and when i opt not to work out it is even worse.. i think when i do exercise i am more conscious about not consuming extra unnecessary food. thank you for your words and your point of view and stating your own troubles. it is nice to hear what you are dealing with and i appreciate your openness! you are a sweetheart.

    ALSO, that fruit salad looked like the bomb dot com.

    have a fun weekend :)

  17. May 9, 2009 8:36 pm

    This is a great post, Leah! When you were talking about stress eating it was like you were writing about me! Sometimes i find myself in the kitchen with some sort of food in my mouth and I wonder what the heck I am doing. BIG sign that I’m stressed about something or other. Thanks for opening yourself up to us…

  18. May 9, 2009 9:47 pm

    Great post and I can totally relate. I tend to over eat when I’m stressed and bored, which happens a lot, so I have to be careful.

  19. May 10, 2009 2:37 am

    Ah anxiety. That little beast that gets the best of us, and wrecks our lives from time to time. I.am.familiar.

    Honestly, meds + counseling helped me. But I totally know that panicky feeling. Just know you are NOT alone. A zillion of us deal with/have dealt with it.

    We are here. :)

  20. nikislosingit permalink
    May 10, 2009 7:23 am

    Great post, Leah! I wish this struggle with food was not something I was familiar with, but it is. And it is so good to hear from others who struggle with it as well. It gives me hope and support as I’m working to have a healthy relationship with food.

    Thanks for sharing! I come here because of your honesty and transparency!

  21. May 11, 2009 4:35 pm

    I’m sorry your week wasn’t great, but I sure hope that the following one will be much better!

    I did notice (even before reading it) that you had taken the skin off the kiwis! I guess I’m weird for noticing all these little things lol!

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